50 Things to say to Voldemort
by OneidaCc
Summary: The title is pretty self-explanatory I thought family was a very heartwarming category as well, so i put it! :)


**Hey guys! Ever in a smack down, yo-mama, fight with good old Voldemort? Or just wanna say or do something that would totally make him give you an unforgivable curse? Here are some things you should say to brighten his day! Sry, these aren't really that good but whateva, I had fun doin them.**

**I know this once belonged to Buttery Power, but I am the same person as the one who owns that account. I gave up on that account, but if you want proof- look on their page.**

Suggest he try "smiling".

Every time he gets through the day without throwing a hissie fit, give him a gold star sticker.

Ask him to guess what he's missing on his face.

Tell him he can have people fix his "nose" like he's an idiot.

Yo mama so fat, her patronas is a CAKE.

Ask him if the whole missing nose thing runs in the family or if he's just "special." :)

Ask why you weren't invited to his previous birthday parties.

During a Death Eater conference, announce you need to use the restroom.

When he's sleeping, put one of those cute little kitten, puppy, ducky…etc. temporary (OR PERMANENT) tattoos on his forehead.(It'd be even better if it was the morning of the Battle of Hogwarts and he didn't know it was there!)

Tell him he must be a weakling for letting Harry Potter out of his clutches all of those times.

Tell him he must be really bad at being a wizard cuz he couldn't even kill a baby.

Thank him for letting you look through his family albums without asking.

Every time he announces an evil plan, smack him on the hands with a ruler and confiscate his wand.

Tell him "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get…" in a Forest Gump accent.

Ask him if he wrote about any of his loves in his diary.

Suggest he read "Harry Potter", a riveting story of a boy who fought and always defeated a dark wizard named "Voldemort."

Whenever he kills someone and you just heard about it, scream, "Tom Marvolo Riddle, get down here this instant!"

Call him "Tommy" :) :)

For his birthday, get him a wig.

For Halloween go to the Malfoy Mansion dressed up in a Harry Potter costume.

Decorate his wand with pink sparkles!

Run around the Malfoy Mansion screaming, "GOT UR NOSE, GOT UR NOSE!"

Talk to Voldie about something called "makeup."

Invite him to go to the new Twilight movie with you. What the heck, buy him some popcorn too!

Suggest he try lying, maybe his nose will grow like Pinocchio!

Ask him if he ever had… a *DREAM*

Ask him if he likes the show Glee.

Make him a Facebook account without telling him and post comments on it yourself.

Invite him to go get nose piercings and maybe a shnazzy hair-do.

Ask him at which point his nose job went terribly wrong.

Make him a dating profile and post "I like long walks on the beach, candle lit dinners, and killing off muggles and Harry Potter."

Give him a hug on October Eighteenth, or, Free Hug Day.

Ask him if unicorn blood changed him into a unicorn, cuz you are what you eat.

Get a tattoo on the back of your head-if bald- of voldemort's face.

Draw a lightning bolt on his head and if he accuses you of the act, just say it's not a lightning bolt, but that you were just keeping track of Harry Potter books sales.

Scold him for accidently making Harry the last horcrux, when he should've put it in Waldo.

Put a wasp's nest in his bed.

Inform him of "Voldemophobia", or, fear of no nose.

Send him stalkerish texts.

Sing "You Belong with Me" to him.

"Accidentally" sell Nagina on Ebay.

Cover his room in Gryfindor flags.

Send a marriage proposal letter to Bellatrix, stating that he just couldn't do it in person.

Ask him when the last time he brushed his teeth was.

Send a letter to all the Death Eaters stating that it's from Voldemort and that the new mark is a picture of a butterfly.

Make Voldemort's ring tone the Harry Potter theme song.

Hide Voldemort's wand somewhere in the Malfoy Mansion the day of the Battle of Hogwarts.

Ask him where his nose went after the first movie.

Suggest he run for president.

**Here's #50! It's not too spectacular, but oh well…**

Ask him why he won't give you a hug, but he'll give one to Draco.


End file.
